ANGEL OF H.E.A.T.

 



Directed by Myrl A. Schreibman
Starring - Marilyn Chambers - Mary Woronov - Stephen Johnson - Milt Kogan - Gerald Okamura
1982 (year of production) - Unrated - 93 Minutes
Vestron Video VHS


 

ANGEL OF H.E.A.T. A film many oldsters will remember as one of the first After Hours type movies they stayed up late to watch back when cable only ran for eleven or twelve hours a day, twenty-four hours on weekends. Nostalgia goes a long way sometimes but how far can it carry something like this? 

You said it! Oh, wait, no you didn't.

A budget James Bond-esque credits sequence featuring an often naked Chambers leads us into this mild action/adventure/comedy where we learn that highly advanced micro-computer technology is being stolen. How, who, and why remain unknown. What is known is that the computer chips in question are being manufactured for the US government under private contract and are not meant to be sold. Ever. Needless to say, this causes distress in high places so agents are called in to investigate. It's Samantha Vitesse (Woronov) and Mark Wisdom (Johnson) that are assigned the job under the direction of Harry Covert (Kogan). The names, yeah, there's a lot of that. 



Smells like teen spirit.

So anyway, another organization has gotten involved now; The Protectors. They're a group of top operatives from multiple agencies around the globe that have banded together to form an international vigilante group outside of all government jurisdiction in order to protect and defend world peace and freedom without any of that red tape that would normally hold them up. The number one agent in that outfit is none other than Angel Harmony (Chambers). They want to destroy the tech and all plans for it figuring that no matter who builds it, has it, steals it, whatever, it's just too much power to have and can only lead to bad things. At the same time, Samantha and Mark have embedded themselves within the isolated island lab of the lead designer who also happens to be the son of the guy in charge of the contract. 

Ever vigilant, The Protectors arrive to... Oh look! A birdie!

 

Gearing up for The Protectors 2: Electric Boogaloo!

Finally, all paths begin to cross at a disco called The Faux Pax. That is, they cross after Angel tries to get information out of the manager of the place. He's known as Mr. Big but his name is actually Randy Small; a dwarf who rides Angel around his office like a horse during a supposed job interview. All that aside, it's around this time that everybody finds out what everybody else is up to and we start shuffling towards the climax.

Now that's a horse of a different color.



Turns out that what's going on is essentially a bid for world domination by a drug-addled mad scientist with gold chains and a velvet cape who has created an army of android sex machines that will do his every bidding. Many androids have already been placed all over the world and if he succeeds in his task then mankind will be under his control. Lots of what passed for high-tech gadgetry in the early eighties, lots of nudity, and lots and lots of not really much of anything, honestly.



What? The cape is making a comeback! I just know it!
 

This guy has a screw loose. For real!

This is a difficult one to get across to people who haven't seen it, especially when faced with the question... "Is it worth seeing?". As I said at the top, nostalgia can go a long way for things like this but it's not always enough. Sadly, this is one of those movies that's probably going to be best when living in the memories of those who saw it in the early to mid-eighties. For those who ask that tough question about it being worthwhile, truth is, not really. The obvious and numerous connections to the world of porn might elevate interest for the terminally curious (Chambers at one point exclaims "So THAT'S what's behind the green door.".) but there just isn't a lot of good to take away here. The action is light and infrequent, the attempts at campy humor fall flat across the board, and as a spoof it simply never zeros in on anything enough for that to work either. On the bright side, Chambers comes across as confident and capable and does give the impression that she could kick your ass if she really wanted to! At the same time, she never loses that sexy wide-eyed innocence that helped make her a star in the world of adult films in the first place. There's a LOT of nudity, even full frontal from Woronov, so if you think that's enough to carry you through then have at it because you are about the only people I can recommend this to. Naked happens at the start, and sex happens at the end. Trouble is, there just isn't much going on in between.

The big battle? Yeah, Kurosawa is shaking in his boots.

 

Chambers Fu!



Notes:

-This was AKA The Protectors Book 1. Some questions remain unanswered because there is NO Book 2.

-H.E.A.T. stands for Harmony's Elite Assault Team.

-Screenplay was written by a woman and it's the only thing she ever did. Unless... Pseudonym?

-The few make-up effects seen in the film are credited to William Munns but it isn't listed on IMDB or anywhere else, apparently.

-There is a DVD but it has been almost universally slammed for its lack of quality. Also, the DVD is the R-Rated version while this VHS from Vestron is unrated. I don't know for sure what's different, but one Amazon customer complained of the DVD being 'heavily edited'.

-Marilyn Chambers was once the Ivory Soap model featured on the box for that product.

-Marilyn Chambers only had two mainstream roles. This, and David Cronenberg's fantastic Rabid. The year after Angel was released she made her return to adult movies.

-Marilyn Chambers died in 2009 at the age of 56.

-Marilyn Chambers real name was Marilyn Ann Briggs.

-Pictures displayed are definitely a low-budget endeavor and are meant only to indicate content and are in NO WAY meant to reflect the quality of the presentation.